Dr. Phil, staand voor een enorm tv-scherm: 'Dutch prime-minister Mark Rutte has been in ongoing discussions with his colleagues Geert Wilders and Maxime Verhagen about how to save money in a time in which we all need to watch our spendings. Rutte's administration, supporting on the smallest majority possible, needs to take desperate measures in order to get the country's shrinking economy back on track. Now they, Wilders and Verhagen, say it might all be over. The relationship between the three has been rough and is getting even rougher as time passes by. Let's take a look.'
Op het megascherm begint een montage van korte fragmenten. Verhitte debatten, venijnige uitspraken van de drie politici, met als climax twee volwassen mannen die door een microfoontje tegen elkaar dingen roepen als 'doe eens effe normaal man' en 'doe zelf normaal'. Zodra het filmpje voorbij is zien we Dr. Phil inmiddels op een enorm hoge houten stoel, met rechts van hem drie mannen in pak op even hoge stoelen. Dr. Phil glimlacht charismatisch naar de drie en zegt: 'Is this for real...?' Zenuwachtig lachen Mark, Geert en Maxime, met rode koontjes geven ze toe: 'Pretty much.'
'Well, Geert, I want to start with you first,' begint Dr. Phil, 'we have seen some of your statements, your arguments in that clip, and I gotta say: seems a little off the line to me. Don't you think you're playing it a bit to harsh?'
'No,' begint Geert, 'this statement that you are making is not correct. Voters are terrorised by mass-imigrated Islamic extremists, homosexuals are bullied and tortured by the North-African Koranmafia, entire cities are under siege by beard-wearing Imam-bombardments. Holland is sick and tired of these problems, Holland has had enough, Holland is fed up. And these companypoodles are sitting in their canalbelt gentlemenhouses practicing their leftwing hobbies while Henk and Ingrid are burnt out of their porchapartments by the shariaguerilla's. The Partij Voor de Vrijheid stands up for the people, the Partij Voor de Vrijheid fights to keep Holland Dutch, the Partij Voor de Vrijheid says what the majority of the Dutch community says: we are sick and tired, we have had enough, we are fed up.'
Dr. Phil wendt zich tot Mark Rutte, buigt een beetje voorover met de armen over elkaar en zegt: 'Look, this is what concerns me right here, is he always talking this way, calling you names and using these selfinvented words?'
'Well, can I first say something about our cooperation with mister Wilders, because when you have to form a government, hè, when you need to establish a new administration, you start looking for partners. Well, what the VVD has done is, we have been open for talks with everybody. And that means also mister Wilders. And then, when you choose to work together, hè, when you say: 'we're in this together', you have to stand by each other. You don't say that you don't support your partner anymore, you have his back. And that means that you also have to give in from time to time. That is what the VVD is doing and that is what the VVD has done throughout our cooperation.'
'And ehh, I wish to add, eh, some words,' vervolgt Verhagen, 'we also must focus on, ehmm, the economy. We must cut our expenses and -'
'Wait, Maxime,' zegt Dr. Phil, 'let's talk about your role in all this. It is stated, and I quote: ''Maxime Verhagen is a snake, a liar, a bloodsucker who does everything within his power to twist and turn his way up to the most powerful positions in politics. I never met anyone this horny on power in my life, and never expect to meet someone who will top him''. Let me tell you this, I have worked with a lot of people in my career, and I have diagnosed and helped many patients, and it seems to me that you are addicted. You have an addiction, and in your case the addiction is power. Look, we have been working with La Hacienda medical facility for a very long time, and they have some really good people with a lot of experience and knowledge about this kind of addictions and I know for sure that these guys will do everything they can to get you clean and help you with this problem. This is a serious issue we're dealing with here and I am offering you this treatment. We need your full commitment.'
'Well, eehh, if this is for the good of the economy and these are the steps that have to be, eh, taken, than I will do whatever it takes to take these, ehm, steps.'
Dr. Phil richt zich nu tot de andere heren: 'Are you willing to support him? He is going to one of the best facilities in the country, but when he gets back, he needs to have you guys supporting him in his readjustment to everyday political life. Will you do that?'
Beide heren stemmen in. Dr. Phil begint weer tegen Wilders: 'Geert, I'm gonna be totally honest with you now. There are no streetterrorists. There is no Islamisation, or massimigration. The statements you're making are just. Not. True. And I think you need to realise that you can fool people for a long time, but those people are not dumb.'
'Again you're making an incorrect statement. A majority of Dutch voters has a low IQ, Holland has a tsunami of school-leaving retard terrorists who are easily becoming right extremists. Those are the people I am fooling.'
Dr. Phil glimlacht. 'You really don't believe all this, do you? Honestly? We'll be right back.'
Reclamebreak.
'You see Geert,' vervolgt Dr. Phil, 'I know muslims, I know Imams, I know some of the top authorities on Islamic culture. They don't talk like that. That's all smokescreens and spreading fear and telling lies and populistic blah blah blah. It's... it's, you know, that's not reality. And so if you're trying to convince people of a fantasy, then eventually you will fall off your made up throne. The guys sitting next to you, they're not stupid, they're not buying it. I'm not buying it. I think you are living in a fantasy and you are starting to believe your own stories. So, what I'm offering is professional help with some of the best psychiatrists of the country in top facilities in Florida, they offer good treatment.'
'Act normal for a while!' roept Wilders, gevolgd door Rutte: 'Act normal man!' Iedereen praat door elkaar heen, niemand luistert naar een ander en het publiek kan het niet meer volgen. De inhoud van het debat is niet belangrijk meer, Rutte, Wilders en Verhagen proberen elkaar en Dr. Phil monddood te maken. Ze maken elkaar belachelijk, geven steken onder water en vooral Geert Wilders strooit vaardig met vernederende teksten en creatief bedachte formuleringen. Na een tijdje verstomt het geroezemoes en horen we Mark Rutte nog net mompelen: '... that's just not normal man.'
Dr. Phil gaat plotseling wat minder losjes spreken, hij praat zachter, langzamer en kijkt er heel serieus bij. 'Here's how we continue this procedure,' zegt hij, 'you guys are in a crisis here. Not just a financial crisis. A commucational crisis. Your country needs you more than ever, but you're miscommunicating constantly and come on, that's not helping anyone. You can choose: either go back home, continue the way you are doing this and solve your or own problems. Or, you can follow the directions I'm giving you here. I offer you the facilities, the treatment, the councelling and I will keep checking up on you to see how ya doing. You must learn to communicate, focus on the subject of the debate, not on al this bullshit! I mean, listen to yourself! You know, it's not too late. You can still turn this around, but there is a long way of hard work ahead for each of you.'
Dr. Phil komt close-up en kijkt in de camera: 'Next guest on the show, mother of three Heleen van Rooyen, who worries her oldest doughter might be on a so called banga-list, a list of girls who are considered easy to 'get into bed'. We'll be right back.'
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Deze maand doe ik mee aan De Bloguitdaging van Ernst-Jan Pfauth. De WAT van WIE? De Bloguitdaging houdt in dat ik in een maand tijd maarliefst 15 blogposts moet schrijven, en als me dat lukt krijg ik een op maat gemaakte blogrecensie van Ernst-Jan Pfauth. En die heeft er verstand van, want hij is één van de succesvolste (en beste) bloggers van ons land, zie www.pfauth.com om het met eigen ogen te lezen. Gevolg is wel dat ik nu in vier weken tijd drie keer zoveel blogs ga schrijven als normaal en de blogs misschien korter en inspiratielozer zijn dan de trouwe lezer gewend is. Ik doe er echter alles aan om dat te voorkomen! Groeten, Enzio Bakker.
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